


All the memories (I hold dear)

by lum_right_here



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Demon Hunters, I have no idea how this happened, Mild Angst, The Yoon family, i have no idea what to tag even, kind of, memory demons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2020-09-27 02:49:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20400445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lum_right_here/pseuds/lum_right_here
Summary: Wear this protection charm to guard off bad demons. They steal little pieces of you until there's nothing left. If you think they've touched you wash yourself in salt water for 3 days. Burn sage if you think they've entered your home. They are just more physical bad spirits they won't be able to come back to torture you again that way.It's not all boloney but a lot of it is (like the charms. If pieces of metal with random symbols could ward them off they would've died out ages ago).





	1. the number you have dialed cannot be reached at this time...

**Author's Note:**

> work title from Memories by Within Temptation
> 
> ~ working title: Demon Children are people too

_He's running, tall grass whipping his sides, the ground beneath his feet almost a blur from how fast he's going, sound of a bubbling stream...splashing...somebody's screaming but it's happy screams. The sun blinds his eyes as he chases the sound of joy, he doesn't even think before running into the stream, water quickly soaking through his sneakers. He tastes fresh summer berries and icy crisp water._

Minhyuk wiggles in his arms and sighs quietly.

_He's catching up to her, eyes finally used to the bright light of the noon sun, he can see the red shorts, the encouraging screams are almost clear words now... vanilla ice cream on his tongue._

"Please.." he hugs the other boy tighter to himself, securing the grip he has on him, tilting his head and exposing his neck even more, continues to feed because the feeling is just...

_"Catch me! Catch me! I thought you were faster than this!" the taste of sweet watermelon._

"Please." it's almost a sob now.

He let's go.

Minhyuk drops to the ground like sack of potatoes.

Somebody walks into the practice room, turning on the light and letting out a surprised yelp, finding two boys had been hidden away by the darkness.

"Hi Bin-hyung!" Sanha forces out, quickly checking in the mirror his appearance has returned to normal before shooting the other a smile.

"Why were you two in here in complete darkness?"

"Playing a game Hyung. Wanna join in?" he wonders if his eyes have gone maybe tad too predatory as he says it, because Bin's face contorts into an uncertain mask as he carefully evaluates Minhyuk, who is still sitting on the floor, eyes unfocused like he is trying to remember something. Something he'll never be able to remember again.

Sanha feels bad for just a second, before reminding himself that Minhyuk knew what was gonna happen. He allowed it. He picked the memory and asked _can I maybe keep the end of it?_ and Sanha said fine, but it's really hard to tell exactly what the end of a memory is and even harder to stop before it, leaving only glimpses behind and judging by the way the other boy had squirmed he went too far.

Sometimes he wonders if it would be easier to just make him forget completely.

  
~

It's been years since they started this arrangement. Sanha hardly remembers how Minhyuk found out in the first place which is really ironic considering he is a memory demon and he will fade out of existence without memories. Not his own, but still, one would think feeding on memories would also give him some power over how much he himself remembers. But that's not how this whole schtick works apparently.

Minhyuk found out, is what matters, probably caught sight of him in an unguarded, hungry moment and was smart enough to put two and two together. They teach these things at school after all.

_Wear this protection charm to guard off bad demons. They steal little pieces of you until there's nothing left. If you think they've touched you wash yourself in salt water for 3 days. Burn sage if you think they've entered your home. They are just more physical bad spirits they won't be able to come back to torture you again that way._

It's not all boloney but a lot of it is (like the charms. If pieces of metal with random symbols could ward them off they would've died out ages ago). Also it's not really accurate, he's never met another memory demon who would keep one, single human around for feeding until they were nothing but a shell. It's just not practical- demons get bored of eating the same thing over and over just as much as humans do (seems ironic now, that he's struck a deal and promised to be good, only feed on one human for the foreseeable future, but each memory he gives him is new exciting flavor, somehow they differ enough not to be boring). More likely if a larger group of demons found a human with exciting memories they would share them until there was nothing left. Sanha is all alone though.

At first he struggled with it, some people are just really irresistible, his group-mates with their bubbling personalities and all these experiences he's never had, probably never will have outside of these stolen bits of other people pulling at something primal within him when they lay unconscious at night unaware, but he's had a taste and it was not easy to forget.

_Like the memory of Myngjun's first kiss, which he took after he heard him whisper about how much he hated that he got pressured into it, had a bunch of people cheering around him, while he clumsily kissed a girl during spin the bottle in a darkened room at a party- even with the regret tainting it a little it tasted sweet and bubbly, like what he imagines champagne tastes like. He cannot have dark parties and groups of friends who goad him into kissing girls, but this is almost just as good._

_Or Bin's memory of paramedic snapping his shoulder back into it's socket after a bad stunt during dance competition, taken because his limbs don't really work that way, it'd take more than falling weirdly to do that kind of damage and the pain feels like super spicy sauce on his tongue._

_Jinwoo's memories of midnight tears, shed quietly into pillows while the rest of them slept, whispering quietly that it's too much, too fast, too hard until...until Sanha couldn't just lay on his bunk pretending not to hear, had to crawl over him, pushing his cold long fingers through the elder's hair and taking it all away right as it was happening, tasting bitterness like straight up coffee grounds and dark dark chocolate, but he doesn't really get overwhelmed the same way Jinwoo does so he enjoys the taste. Just occasionally, just when it seems too much on their leader because his stomach twists at all the bitter taste. It must be horrible to actually feel all of that for yourself._

_Dongmin's memories are always like little bonbons with liquid fillings, he sees the world in a blur but there's always something sharp and exciting at the centre of his memories and it's addictive the way he's heard people actually talk about chocolate being. The first time he had draped himself over Dongmin's back and found these few seconds of clarity in the quiet look he'd shared with Bin in during the pre-debut competition mess he almost exploded himself. It was such a surprising feeling, everything blurry until Bin's catlike eyes focused on him as if saying "you're doing fine, we can do this" and then a blur again as he stumbled through the choreo. It's not that he personally cannot see the world in the same little flashes of clarity Dongmin does...he thinks nobody else can, so he comes back occasionally to steal a treat or two._

He grins at himself trying to call up the taste of all these old memories as he washes his hands in the bathroom, lights off because his eyes get so tired from the brightness that surrounds them all the time, but he's grateful that he can change his appearance like that. It's like stretching after a long long car ride, getting to be in his natural state- all long limbs (not that he's particularly short while he looks human) designed to wrap around people and hold them tight, black papery skin that blends into shadows so well even he has trouble making out all the edges of himself in the mirror, glaringly white pointy teeth that sink through human flesh but don't leave scars. His eyes are vivid glowing red now that he's fed on Minhyuk's summery sweet memories. A staff member walks in, flicking the lights on. The black shape morphs rapidly into a tall, lanky teenager with purple hair and squishy cheeks.

Sanha spares him a smile through the mirror and squeezes past to return to the practice room.

Left alone in the brightly lit room the man shudders as if a gust of wind suddenly bore into him, staring at the spot Sanha had just left. He cannot say why.

~

  
Despite their careful arrangement Sanha slips sometimes, not intentionally he doesn't want to hurt anyone but eating once a month is not exactly ideal. He wouldn't ask Minhyuk for more, can already tell it's a lot the way his hyung's eyes sometimes lose focus, mid sentence like whatever he's talking about just slipped away. They've worked out a system and it's _acceptable._

It's better than getting reported and exorcised so Sanha keeps himself in check.

But they meet so many people in this line of business, they travel and perform and he's only...well not human but he's been raised by humans, consumes their memories and emotions and they make him who he is so probably at least partially human.

You are what you eat, and all that.

  
So he slips sometimes, finds himself wandering dark alleys without consciously giving his body permission to do so, bleeding into the shadows of the city waiting for some poor sap to come into grabbing distance. He's gotten good at wrapping his long long arms around them, making sure to clasp a hand over their mouths so no screams escape as he sinks his teeth in hungrily taking whatever he wants without having to care.

_The burn of whiskey (6th rejection letter from a job he really wanted); home made kimchi (little girl with pigtails running into his arms); burn of pure cinnamon (judge's face as he finalized their divorce); whiskey, whiskey, whiskey...._

He let's go when he feels like he's going to explode from how full he is, the whiskey aftertaste making his head spin. The man sobs at his feet, curling into a ball as Sanha pulls him up, biting down one last time to make sure he erases this entire encounter _(cough medicine always cough medicine)_.

He watches the man stumble back onto the bright street and morphs back into himself, one hand braced against the wall to keep himself form falling over. The moment his hunter brain is switched off he registers the faint buzz of his phone.

75 unread kkt notifications.

20 missed calls.

He's so fucked.

~

When he stumbles back into their dorm he knows something is wrong. Not the usual "the maknae snuck out way past curfew" wrong, this is the kind where his hair prickles up as soon as he steps out of the elevator and the smell of sage hits him.

He pushes through it, it's not really /poisonous/ as humans would think, it's just really unpleasant and no self-respecting demon wants to sit around the smell. Like rotting garbage for humans (or demons, Sanha has absolutely no desire to sit next to rotting garbage either). Opening the door slowly to find every single light on, their manager's shoes in the entryway and hushed voices carrying through the place makes panic seep deeper into his bones.

_They must've found out,_ a voice he never liked much whispers in his mind.

"Hello?" he calls out uncertainly, forcing himself not to gag at the much stronger sage smell. He notices a little bowl with little smoldering bits of incense resting next to their shoe rack.

"YOON SANHA WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!" Jinwoo's voice comes, accompanied by flurry of thudding feet and there's 4 pairs of hands grabbing at him, pulling him down so the shorter members can inspect him for damage and fuss fuss fuss.

"Hyung, I'm fine I was just out...uh...what's going on?" he tries, he answers all the questions even though it feels pointless, nobody's really listening. He supposes that the fussing is a good sign, they wouldn't do that if it was him they were trying to get rid off, if they suspected anything he'd be greeted with those silly protection trinkets in his face and not worried eyes.

They make it into the kitchen where Minhyuk sits, shirt off a wet towel slung around his shoulders, hands submerged into a bowl of salt water, worried manager sitting next to him. Sanha can see the faded bite mark on his neck just peaking from under the towel and his stomach turns. That wasn't him. From the look of the mark that wasn't even a memory demon.

"Is he ok?" Sanha kneels next to the table, trying to peer into Minhyuk's closed eyes and all he gets in response is silence. Nobody knows. He wants to reach out and touch but the water from the towel is running down his hyung's chest in little rivers he knows would burn and he's not very good at acting. Though acting as if your skin isn't blistering on contact, when it clearly is, might be too much for even Dongmin to pull off.

They sit with Minhyuk for hours and hours, everyone throwing out what they've been taught is the best countermeasures and Sanha tries really hard not to scoff at most of them, choosing instead to quietly encourage the ones he knows actually work and won't prevent him from living inside the dorm. It's a delicate balance.

When the light behind the windows slowly changes into dawn Minhyuk finally opens his eyes, looking little pale but present. They force him to gulp down a glass of saltwater (Sanha gags in the corner at the idea) before letting him drink some actual water and then cleansing tea (it's mostly sage again, the smell is getting overwhelming).

Minhyuk answers all the questions he can, blanks at how he got home and who did it, did he see? Sanha knew before they even asked that he wouldn't but humans like to confirm the pointless anyways. They're just like that sometimes.

~

"Hey dad? I know... uh I know we don't really talk about all the...all the stuff we don't talk about about me;" he plucks at the guitar in his lap and sighs heavily trying to form the sentence "but one of... Minhyuk got attacked and...they want...I think they might accidentally kill me as well.... dad please just call me back." He lets the phone fall onto the bed and focuses on the instrument. If his dad didn't pick up there was probably a good reason.

Good reason like, maybe hunting down one of his brethren. Sanha is still not sure why the Yoon family had adopted him when they clearly knew what he was. He ponders his earliest memories of frightened hyungs and careful rituals that taught him how to look human while his fingers mindlessly pluck out eery melodies.

"Sanha, group meeting in 5!" MJ calls out down the hall and he jerks, eyes re-focusing on the reality he's living.

Minhyuk didn't sleep in bed next to him last night, instead they rolled out a mat in the living room and the elder members took turns guarding over him, relighting the sage stick every time the smell was getting weaker.

Sanha pretended to sleep while shooting one worried text after another at his father, and then his older brothers and finally even his mother, but none of them had so much as opened the chats. Maybe he had tricked himself into believing they wanted him to be part of their family all these years. They gladly let him move away when he was, by all human standards, still a child after all. Maybe it was just easier than having to explain to a demon child that it's no longer welcome.

"Yoon Sanha!" MJ's voice comes again and he sets the guitar down. It'll be all right. Hopefully.

~

In the living room, Minhyuk seems to have recovered a bit more. The soaking towels have been replaced by a simple protective string around his neck (woven from black and read threads, to promote healing and strength, little yellow knots to protect from evil spirits). A silly looking thing, but Sanha feels a shiver of it's power run down his spine as he carefully sits across from the boy.

When they all gather the room fills with stiffening scent of worry. He almost feels even his human nose twitch as he zones in and out of the same conversation they've had last night.

"Sanha any ideas?" Dongmin prods noticing how quiet the boy had been.

"I...I've tried calling my family. They know a lot about these kinds of things but they were too busy to talk so..." he fiddles with his fingers, prying his eyes off the little yellow knots that seem to be mocking him. "So I've got nothing." he finishes and forces himself to look his hyungs in the eye, one by one.

He can see Dongmin is about to reply when his phone starts vibrating on the floor, the silent function only serving to make it louder as it slowly scuttles on the hardwood.

_Jeha-hyung_ the screen reads and he's on his feet and out of the room faster than seems humanly reasonable. He doesn't care.

"Sanha, I don't have much time. Tell me what's going on." his brother instructs as soon as he's accepted the call.

"Hyung," he takes a deep breath, feels his chest expand until it's almost painful. Holds it in for 3 seconds, staring at a little mirror a fan had gifted him, trying to calm himself and remember everything that's happened correctly..instead his mouth moves without consulting with his brain, with every word that spills past his lips little cracks spread down the mirror: "hyung...they...there's a priest coming...we're basically on house arrest...I cannot...they will kill me hyung." tears prickle in the corners of his eyes and when he raises a hand to wipe them away he notices his skin is starting to turn into it's natural papery black, control slipping away as his fear takes over.

"Sanha you need to calm down. Tell me what happened, we couldn't tell what had attacked Minhyuk from your texts and if we don't have information we cannot help." his brother sounds stern and concerned, it only makes the fear embed itself deeper.

"I wasn't home when he got here." he starts slowly, mouth suddenly filled with way too many teeth bending around the words unnaturally. "There's a bite on...on his neck? No on his shoulder...you know like the part where your neck and shoulder meet? Very painful to pinch..that part." he's rambling and his brother makes an impatient sound. For the first time Sanha hears the rumble of a car engine in the background of the call.

  
"So a bite. He was really out of it when I got home, like not opening his eyes, salt water treatments all over him. Couldn't...I couldn't even touch him to find out more. They put the damn protection charm around his neck now, you know the red, black and yellow one and it's MOCKING me hyung and I just wanna help but I can't even think straight everything smells like the damn sage and..."

"SANHA!" Jeha's voice interrupts the storm of words that keeps bubbling past Sanha's lips. He shuts his mouth, teeth clicking together like lego pieces.

The door behind him clicks shut in that moment and he whirrs around, his hunter brain kicking in, sharpening his senses so he can stalk his prey easier. Or in this case, hear hurried footsteps and ragged breathing as somebody makes their way down the hall, away from where they were watching him have a phone conversation half shifted into his true self.

It takes a second to fold all his edges into correct lines and run out of the room, phone falling forgotten on the floor.

He takes long quick steps and wraps his arms around Jinwoo, pulling the elder back before he can make it into the living room, hand instinctively going over his mouth so no screams alert the others.

The elbow in his side hurts a lot, but his instincts prevail and he doesn't let go until they are back in the room, door securely shut as he leans against it breathing heavy, massaging his ribs.

"That really hurt hyung." he complains, vaguely registering his phone is still on the ground and there's somebody screaming his name at the other end of the line.

Jinwoo's eyes fly erratically all over Sanha, standing there like any other day, still in his polka-dotted pajamas, purple hair a complete mess, skin an appropriate caramel colour, limbs maybe too long but in the boyish-noodle way not am-a-scary-monster way.

"SANHA!" the phone is still shouting. Sanha scoops it up, keeping careful eye-contact with Jinwoo as he lifts it to his ear.

"Sorry hyung. I...I'll have to call you back. Please pick up." he doesn't wait for an answer before ending the call and throws the phone onto his bunk. "Hyung...please don't scream." he finally breaks the silence between them, lifting a corner of his mouth into a hopeful smile.

"You're one of them." Jinwoo finally says, voice deeply laced with worry and confusion, but not shouting. He never did raise his voice for authority and it makes the nervous energy thrumming in him calm a bit. This is just like any other problem they've faced as group over the years. Might be a little more challenging than _ "Bin stop eating all the rice there's 6 of us'_ but his hyung can always restore peace calmly.

"Yes." he nods when the elder says nothing more.

"Did you hurt Minhyuk?" his heart twinges, because how does he even answer that? He's never hurt Minhyuk, not the way Jinwoo is thinking. He WOULD NEVER hurt him this way.

"I would never." he answers finally, saving the moral arguments for another time

"Did you bite any of us?"

"Hyung..." he doesn't want to lie. He's been lying non-stop for years and he's just so very tired of it.

"Answer me, Yoon Sanha. Did you bite any of us?" Jinwoo might not be shouting but the tone of his voice, so resolute and laced with something almost like the ancient priest magic is just as scary.

"All...all of you." he breaths out, unable to keep eye contact. "Hyung I would never hurt you. Please trust me." he takes a step towards him and feels his heart break a little when Jinwoo steps further away.

"You bit all of us. You've been lying and feeding on us for years. Without ever stopping to think how it might affect us?"

"I would never hurt you." Sanha repeats, then again and again. He feels tears streaming down his face but it doesn't really matter, the quiet mantra keeps on coming.

"Call your brother." Jinwoo orders and he tries to walk past him, back into the living room, but he stops when Sanha catches his arm.

"Please don't tell them Hyung."

"They have a right to know. They have a right to decide if they are comfortable with all of this."

"Please. At least for a little bit." it's a sob. Pathetic and hurt, but honest.

Jinwoo doesn't answer, shutting the door behind himself firmly as he exits.

~

Nobody comes to get Sanha all day. He sits on the bed, trying again and again to reach his family to no avail.

_The number you have dialed cannot be reached at this time..._

  
He hears the others shuffling around the dorm, the doorbell rings couple times. He hears them setting up to eat, setting up another night watch schedule over Minhyuk, who keeps insisting he's fine now and asking where Sanha is.

But nobody comes to get him.

_The number you have dialed cannot be reached at this time..._  
_The number you have dialed cannot be reached at this time..._

The sage smell fades a bit, now more like a trashcan the next street over, not a full on dump in his own room. He wonders if Jinwoo did it for him or they just ran out of incense.

Regardless, nobody comes to get him.

_The number you have dialed cannot be reached at this time... _  
_The number you have dialed cannot be reached at this time... _  
_The number you have dialed cannot be reached at this time..._

The sun sets, painting the room in beautiful orange. The doorbell rings again, he hears Jinwoo accept delivery of fried chicken and the others bicker over best pieces.

Still nobody comes to get him.

He feels like a man lost at sea. Surrounded by life but none of it his own kin, none of it interested in his misery.

_The number you have dialed cannot be reached at this time... _  
_The number you have dialed cannot be reached at this time... _  
_The number you have dialed cannot be reached at this time..._  
_The number you have dialed cannot be reached at this time..._

Sanha falls asleep, phone clutched in hand, battery long dead from his constant attempts to contact somebody that could help. That could even vaguely understand or care about what's happening.

Nobody picks up and nobody comes to get him.

~

  
He awakes to searing pain on his back. He feels somebody's arms wrapped tightly around his arms and torso, pulling him closer to their chest. But something burns, bright white flashes of pain radiating from his neck through his whole body.

He opens his mouth to scream but the sound is weak.

The arms let go and he rolls over to Minhyuk’s empty bunk, just trying to get further away from the source of the pain.

Sanha doesn't really care what his body is doing with it's appearance, can only tell he has morphed because despite the darkness that fills the room he can see everything in great detail. He scrambles to a low crouch on the bed, feels the darkness soothing the blisters on his neck and focuses his glowing red eyes onto the offender.

Minhyuk, perched at the end of the bed, terrified expression distorting his features. He clutches the protective charm around his own neck and Sanha snarls- an animalistic response, all barred teeth and raised shadowy hackles. He hears the little protective knots taunting him still.

"Sanha-yah. It's just me." Minhyuk looks at him, slowly letting go of the charm.

Sanha relaxes a little but a dismissive snort still escapes him. Brain completely shut off from any human thinking, just focused on the source of his pain.

  
Minhyuk seems to understand, undoing the simple knot that held it in place and tossing the thing on the ground. He raises his hands in a "see?" gesture and Sanha tilts his head. Inspects him, looking for any hidden weapons of trinkets but he sees nothing. The instinctive brain slowly releases it's hold and Sanha shrinks into his human form, promptly losing balance on the squishy mattress and falling over.

"Sanha?" Minhyuk asks again, voice uncertain, unmoving, but still there.

_"Hyung!"_ he sobs out, clumsily making his way to the other and making himself as small as possible in the tight embrace.

"Are you ok? Did I hurt you?" Minhyuk asks and he wants to laugh even through tears. His hyung is here. He isn't alone. Minhyuk doesn't hate him. He somehow still doesn't hate him.

"Who gives a f-" he squeals at the pinch that promptly comes before he can even properly form the swear in his mouth.

"Language."

"Hyung I'm so sorry. I was so worried about you and I kept trying to get hold of my family, but nobody will pick up their damn phones and then Jinwoo-hyung saw me all...out of sorts and he just left saying how you all deserved to know what i was and he hates me and you still smell like sage and and and..." he's just spewing words now.

The stranded feeling that had been weighing him down all day lifts at the familiar presence and calm voice. He feels all the words he tried to throw at Jeha-hyung coming up now, fueled by even more panic, having outed himself since. Having spent almost 24 hours just stewing in misery and panic.

Minhyuk let's him talk until his voice is just hoarse croaking, he's gonna be in so much trouble with the vocal couch.

"You're really worried about the vocal couch right now." Minhyuk comments off hand. Sanha hadn't even realized he was still saying literally everything that flit across his mind out loud.

"You weren't meant to hear that." he tries to smile but his face feels numb and he isn't sure how well it works.

"Hyung doesn't hate you. He didn't say anything to anyone. He stopped burning the incense, just forced me to drink like 5 buckets of the tea. I'm starting to have a very demonic response to it as well." Minhyuk's whole face splits into a grin.

"Do you think they will kick me out?"

"No way. I'd have to re-work all our choreography for 5 people."

"I'm serious hyu..." Sanha is cut off by their doorbell.

  
~

Sanha is very seriously re-thinking his decision to contact his family. The three imposing figures standing in their cramped living room make him squirm in his spot- carefully alone at the far end of the coffee table, while the others are a sleepy mass on the couch.

Nobody is really paying him any attention, his father had shortly asked about all the measures taken since the attack and Sanha found himself giving a comprehensive update, despite the way he fumbled on the phone and having been locked in the room in a constant state of terror for a day after.

His brother brewed something foul smelling (only to Sanha though, everyone else perked up as the aroma filled the room) and distributed 5 mugs of steaming hot liquid.

He tries not to gag as he discreetly scoots further away.

"Minhyuk, what is the last thing you remember?"

"Coming out of the TV station with the other dancers. We had just finished pre-recording the show."

"Where did you go after?"

"We were..." Minhyuk's whole face scrunches as he thinks. "We were gonna eat I think? Manager-nim...I texted Manager Noh that I'd be staying behind with the others?" it sounds more like a question and Bin passes him his phone so he can check.

"Who was with you?"

Minhyuk reads out the names he's listed in the text for their manager.

"Nobody else? No staff? No other kids?" his father sounds annoyed at having to drag the information out of the boy.

"There was...just us? No..no that's not right.." his eyes are focused somewhere far away. Sanha knows that look very well. He's prodding at the spot where something used to be. Like a pulled tooth. But there's nothing to find anymore, if whoever attacked him was smart.

  
"Sanha can you try to see?" Junha asks, finally acknowledging Sanha. He hadn’t even said hello when they all walked in.

"You made him drink all the disgusting stuff..." Sanha shakes his head looking at the now empty mugs with disdain. The smell lingers itching somewhere un-scratchable, like the time him and Minhyuk tried to prank Bin with sneezing powder and ended up covered in the stuff.

His brothers and father move into the kitchen, already pouring over books, discussing theories and the best way to deal with what's happened.

3 heads turn to him in confusion as he realizes what's been said. Jinwoo stares at his hands stubbornly and Minhyuk looks like he's about to say something but...he is so tired of lying.

Sanha clears his throat, eyes darting from one hyung to the next, trying to will his brain to form proper words. He can do this.

_They deserve to kno_w. Jinwoo's voice reminds him.

"Hyungs...?" he adresses the room at large voice breaking oddly like he hasn't finished going through whatever puberty demons go throug. Immediately it pulls all the eyes to him. Including his actual brothers.

Are they his actual brothers his actual brothers even? He has about as much common blood with them as he does with the members of Astro.

"Sanha?" Jeha aknowledges him from the kitchen with vary eyes.

"I...not you..." today is not Sanha's day to finish a sentence. Or a thought. Maybe he should stop having thoughts.

"Sanha, whatever you have to say either say it fast or say it later." his father interrupts, getting out of his chair and walking back to the lving room area.

"Later." Sanha answers quietly suddenly very interested in the pattern of his pajamas. He doesn't even need his demon senses to feel the looks of his adoptive family.

"Later." his father echoes as he sits next to their coffee table and opens one of his journals midway, to a spread full of newspaper cutouts and messy notes. "Now then..."

  
~


	2. There's someone in the mirror that you don't know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “HOW IS THIS ACTING NATURAL IF I’VE NEVER DONE IT BEFORE EXACTLY?” Sanha asks hanging off the climbing wall, head tilted back to glare at his brother. 
> 
> “Just do your thing and get on with it. I'm getting a headache from all the questions.” 
> 
> “Why do I have to be climbing the wall?”
> 
> “Oh I'm sorry, did you figure one of us would be jumping onto the attacker from 3 meters in the air?” 
> 
> “No I was hoping you'd have a plan that didn't involve ANYONE jumping on top of an attacker AND innocent victims from 3 meters in the air.” 
> 
> “Tough luck.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took like a year to write. Thanks to that one anon on tumblr who came to tell me they actually liked it; you mysterious benefactor own my heart and soul. 
> 
> Enjoy, be safe and stay hydrated.

The life at the dorms doesn't quite return to normal after Sanha's brothers and father leave. The other members tiptoe around him and even though he isn't locked up in a room all by himself anymore they treat him differently. 

He'd tried to jump onto Bin's back after breakfast one day, just like he did all the time not a week ago and the man threw him off, the way one shuns a fly that had landed on their face. 

He had to avoid Jinwoo for good two days because the leader wouldn't stop fidgeting with a protection charm that Sanha had never seen him wearing before. It was irritating, if not effective. Or maybe both since it did keep Sanha away. 

  
Myungjun seemed to be the only one still regularly leaving the house, as far as Sanha could tell nobody actually knew where he'd been going. One day after returning he touched Sanha's hand in passing only to send searing pain through his nervous system. His hand had been drenched in holly water. 

Dongmin's schedules had been mysteriously cancelled. He'd spent his days in the living room book or phone in hand while he lazed about and even though Sanha couldn't prove he had been watching him, every time he spent more than 20 seconds in the man's presence he felt the need to hide. 

  
The dorm felt smaller with each passing hour that brought no news from his family. Then early morning on the third day his phone rang loud enough to reverberate off the dorm walls and wake everyone up.

  
"Sanha what colour is your hair?" his father's voice asked sternly as Minhyuk groaned at his side. He had taken to sleeping curled around Sanha like a clingy octopus.

"Bro...no wait...purple...blue...something like that." Sanha crosses his eyes trying to peer at the colour of his own bangs, he hadn't bothered touching up since the incident, but his hair is still somewhat lilac.

"Where are you right now?" 

  
"Dorm." 

  
"Stay there. We're coming over today." 

~

As weird as it was, the dorm seemed to magically expand when the three men returned. The tension in the air dissipated almost as soon as the last of their shoes had been deposited in the entryway.   
When they all sat down in the living room Sanha could almost feel like the old old times when they would just come get a bunch of things signed by him and his hyungs for neighbourhood aunties. 

Except instead of brandishing bag of kimchi and 30 posters they brought a bag of weapons that clunked dangerously when it was deposited onto the kitchen table and the only paper's were blurry photos. 

"We know what's happening now. Knowing is half the battle, but we will need to confirm the theory to be sure." Jeha explained, emerging from the stove where he had whipped up a fresh batch of disgustingly smelling protection tea. He passed each of the members a cup as they studied the photos strewn across the table. 

"That's Sanha." Myungjun announced when nobody seemed willing to break the silence fallen over the group. He points to one of the clearest shots, showing what appeared to be Sanha with matted brown hair, streaks of dirt and something eerily reminiscent of blood (even in this pixelated form) smeared over his cheek. 

"I haven't left the house since Hyuk-hyung got bitten." Sanha shakes his head adamantly, scooting further away from the offending tea and photos. 

"It is and isn't Sanha, you are both correct." his father cuts in with a sigh. He looks older than he had couple days ago.

6 pairs of confused eyes stare at the man, wordlessly begging for an explanation. He just shakes his head. 

"We need to move fast, before he...it...does the same thing it's done to Minhyuk to somebody else." Junha pulls a well worn notebook from his bag and opens it up on the table. "It's going to be kinda dangerous, if any of you don't feel comfortable participating this would be the time to speak up. On the night of the hunt it will be too late." he says, tone gravely serious sending shivers down Sanha's spine. 

~

“HOW IS THIS ACTING NATURAL IF I’VE NEVER DONE IT BEFORE EXACTLY?” Sanha asks hanging off the climbing wall, head tilted back to glare at his brother. 

“Just do your thing and get on with it. I'm getting a headache from all the questions.” 

“Why do I have to be climbing the wall?”

“Oh I'm sorry, did you figure one of us would be jumping onto the attacker from 3 meters in the air?” 

“No I was hoping you'd have a plan that didn't involve ANYONE jumping on top of an attacker AND innocent victims from 3 meters in the air.” 

“Tough luck.” 

It’s a good plan, Sanha reasons with himself as he slowly ascends the small colourful grips. 

Your bones don’t break; he reminds himself after a short glance down makes his head spin.

Finally at the top he scuttles into the middle of the flat surface, letting his body fold out of human form, keeping himself as flat and dark as possible. 

Mostly to be inconspicuous. 

Also, the flatter he is the less likely he is to actually get dizzy and fall off. He’s almost 5 meters up when at his full human height, maybe a little more when he’s all shadows but nobody ever measured. He’d like to see Jeha stand up and be all chill about it. 

“Fat chance.” he murmurs. The pointy demon teeth make it sounds a lot more like a hiss and an angry click of the tongue but the feeling is there. 

He sneaks closer to the edge to be able to see his bandmates playing a game of basketball in the fading sunlight, the shorter three against the taller two. He wasn’t really listening while climbing (to his death), but it seems like despite their obvious disadvantage the smaller members are winning. 

Minhyuk throws his arms up and cheers in celebration and the smell of juniper and lavender mixed with his own natural smell wafts all the way up to Sanha. 

His brothers had doused Minhyuk in energy boosting herbs to make sure no supernatural creature in Seoul would miss him. Sanha, who already knows what Minhyuk tastes like had to travel in separate car on their way here to prevent him from chomping down on his hyung's neck. 

His mouth waters instinctively even now and a thick drop of saliva lands on his hand startling a hiss out of himself. He should’ve taken the focus bracelet, but the thing makes it oddly hard to breathe. Like whatever passes for his lungs would rather jump out of his body than be near it. 

He rests his head on his folded up arms like a sad dog and watches from the corner of his eye as his brothers divide up their inventory of weapons, each knife and gun disappearing under their coats like magic, much like the men themselves, blending into the shadows almost as well as Sanha. 

The sun disappears behind the buildings and night creeps in. The bright reflectors surrounding the playground switch on, bathing everything in harsh white lights. 

Slowly, the game breaks up, everyone soaked through, they sit and chat for a while catching their breath. Minhyuk obediently limps, as though he might’ve hurt himself. Easy prey. 

Sanha strains his eyes, watching the outskirts of the well lit playground but all he sees are his brothers. 

He hears a loud cry from the group, whole body tensing preparing to jump. 

“...DO ROCK! HOW do you always fall for this?” Myungjun is screeching on the ground while the others play another round of rock paper scissors and Sanha unclenches his muscles. Just regular happy screams. 

The next to fall is Dongmin, clutching the traitorous hand and glaring like it betrayed him. 

Jinwoo and Bin face off. 

Their hands fly lightning fast. 

Bin lets out a screech and throws himself onto Dongmin like a sack of defeated potatoes. 

The three losers trot off towards the nearest convenience store, while Jinwoo and Minhyuk stretch out on the playground. 

Sanha let’s himself zone out, eyes still scanning around, but he pays the vague murmuring conversation no mind. 

He sees a rat scuttle between two bushes. He sees Junha pick his nose. 

He feels more than sees when the other demon comes near. The air becomes heavy, darkness getting thicker by the second. 

He wants to shout out a warning to Minhyuk and Jinwoo, both of whom are currently laying with their eyes closed, all their weak spots (Why does human body have so many? It's like they are ASKING to get eaten, Sanha thinks angrily biting his tongue) exposed, but he cannot. The point is to let the other one come closer. 

One of the lights blows out sending a shower of sparks down onto the playground.

Jinwoo sits up a little to look around, shrugging when he sees nothing. Sanha wants to shake him, but he knows he's just following the plan. 

The plan, the plan, the plan, it's a good plan. 

It's a good... 

The dark shadow that had been closing in on the two sprawled out boys surges forward, suddenly engulfing them both. Sanha hears the scream and before he fully registers what's happening he leaps down straight into the darkness. 

The jump isn't nearly as scary as he thought it'd be, especially not compared to the thought of the demon getting his friends. 

~

Sanha spent most of his life with humans, pretending to be human, silencing the animalistic part of him, stuffing it deep deep down until he can almost forget it's there. All he knows of his demonic powers is the urge to feed and morph his shape into something more acceptable. 

All he knows is the nasty feeling of light picking at his skin no matter what form he's currently in. He'd never experienced pure demonic darkness,but as soon as he lands in the thick cloud of it he feels the ever-present sensation that his skin isn't right fade away.

He came into this spot for a reason, he knows there's a reason but all he wants to do is sit and groom his shadowy self. 

He wants to stretch and see how far he can reach without fearing anyone might discover him if he lets his limbs just be. 

It's safe, his instincts tell him.

He sits down, tongue flicking out and tasting the air around. It's crackling with energy, it feels like putting your hand over a glass of champagne or putting popping candy on your tongue. Little fireworks in his mouth. 

He can barely see anything, the darkness feels thick enough to cut with a knife, he can find his way by instinct though. He moves forward because something's tugging deep within him, like a siren's call to a sailor.

So he moves, like a man possessed. 

There was a point to him diving in here, head first. There was a point. 

'Sanha!"a voice. He knows that voice. 

Should he be paying attention to the voice? He's home this is where he belongs. 

"Please, Sanha!" 

  
Sanha

  
Sanha help!

His hands hit something solid. He knows the energy of that person, as soon as they make contact a rush of summer berries fills his mouth.

Sanha tries to say something, tries to confirm that yes that's him they are calling but all that comes out is a snarl. 

The answering snarl is ten times as deep as his own but it's the first sound he'd heard since entering the darkness that he completely understood. 

Welcome, the sound says. I've been waiting for you. 

Who are you?

No answer. 

Who are you? - he snarls again, more insistent, stepping over Minhyuk's writhing body on the ground. 

~

  
"No, no, get that one and an extra banana milk, Sanha likes it better." Eunwoo instructs pushing the correct ice cream into MJ's overflowing arms. 

"Do you... do you think he can actually taste it?" Bin asks emerging from behind another shelf, arms laden with non frozen treats. 

They need to waste a good amount of time in here, staying out of the way so that the Yoons can do whatever it is they do. 

"Why wouldn't he? He literally ALWAYS eats my whole stash." MJ seems very calm about this whole thing. As soon as they were a safe distance away (pointedly walking past the first 2 convenience stores to stretch the time they had), Bin had started questioning everything. Eunwoo seemed willing to indulge him but Myungjun just walked forward determinedly. "Hyung why are you so chill about this whole thing?" 

The eldest walks away without answering, making his way to the cashier, shooting the girl a sly smirk as she scans the mountain of ice cream. 

"Minie grab couple of the iced coffee drinks will you?" he commands when the younger two deposit their own haul on the counter. They pay and gather their bags, exiting the store to take over the beat up plastic chairs outside. 

"Hyung how come you're so calm about this?" Bin repeats his question after downing half his banana milk in one swig. Myungjun looks up at him, the light falling oddly from the store window turning his face into something closer to a fox than a human. It's just for a second but in the light of recent events it's disconcerting. 

"I kinda...knew." he shrugs and busies himself with a wrapper of his ice cream. 

"You WHAT?" 

"I saw him crawling over Jinnie couple times. But it was always when he was crying and wouldn't talk to anyone and then he would always calm down after...well whatever Sanha did so I just didn't say anything. I didn't know he had been feeding on Hyuk so regularly though, that did surprise me." he admits looking both of them in the eyes. 

Bin and Dongmin look at each other, having some sort of silent conversation. Myungjun watches but it goes on for a little too long, making him feel uncomfortable enough to start drawing squiggly shapes with the condensation collected on the table from their ice cream. 

It'll be ok, he thinks and looks at the not very good drawing of a smiley he had made. The water doesn't stay in place and instead melts into a demonic figure. 

He wipes the water down and sets his jaw stubbornly. It has to be ok. 

~

I've waited a long time for this. He pushes forward through the darkness, Minhyuk's moans are getting distant and incoherent, like he's hearing them underwater. 

He almost trips over another body splayed right under his feet, and that should be concerning too, but his brain only vaguely registers it. He let's his form straighten up again and spots a break in the darkness, his eyes adjust fast, scanning the empty spot. It's like the eye of a hurricane, calm center of the swirling darkness, filled with light. 

He moves forward, years of practice and conditioning taking over so that his form changes into a human as soon as he's surrounded by light. He stands at his full height, purple hair sticking to his face uncomfortably. 

More uncomfortable than that tho... 

"Hello Sanha." the voice greets. It's the same voice he'd heard in the darkness, but now it's speaking actual words instead of growling. 

Sanha had been an idol for long while now. He'd had to learn to listen to his own voice and not cringe, but he never thought he'd hear it like this. He never thought he'd hear it coming from somebody else's mouth

He would say it's the most disturbing thing that's ever happened were it not for the figure standing barely two steps away from him. 

It's a boy, maybe about 1,80-ish centimeters. His face is quite round and he looks like he's about 95% limb. The edges of him seem to bleed and blur a little whenever Sanha tries to focus too hard on any specific spot. 

His hair might be brown and slightly longer, but otherwise Sanha might as well be looking into a foggy mirror.

"Who. Are. You." it's not even a question anymore. He'd asked so many times while wading through the darkness his patience is gone. He's ready to jump the boy in front of him, consequences be damned. 

"You really don't know? Have they taught you nothing?" the boy laughs a joyless laugh, leaning in closer. It feels a little like pulling the protective film from a new phone screen, all the haggard details of his appearance become clearer. 

The collar of his shirt is frayed, there's smudges on his face and his hair might be combed but it certainly could use a wash. Sanha instinctively sniffs at him and his nostrils fill with musty wet soil smell. He thinks it might be one of those his human hyungs find off-putting. 

"Know what? Teach me what?" it's maddening to be this confused. He's unsure how much time had passed since he dove into the darkness, he might've spent 20 minutes just grooming and preening, soothed into false security of his natural habitat.. It also might've been 20 seconds, stumbling over bodies of his writhing friends to find this pool of light and his other self.

"What did you do to my hyungs?" he asks when his pervious queries get only a scoff. 

"Nothing they aren't used to from you. They are like your personal candy store, aren't they." The other Sanha grins at him wickedly, showing off yellowed teeth. Dull, human teeth, nothing like Sanha's that look sharp even in his human form.

"That's not true." Sanha snarls at the imposter and pushes him, surprised that his hands actually meet with a solid body. "I've never hurt them the way you did." the angry bite mark on Minhyuk's shoulder briefly flashes in his mind, reminding him that even though the boy in front of him looks human, he is not harmless. 

Imposter Sanha staggers on his feet, caught by surprise but he catches himself quickly, returning to the leisurely stance Sanha had found him in, but now it seemes unnaturally stiff, like it wasn't a posture he assumed often.

"Who are you?" Sanha circles back to his original question. When it's only met with silence he irritably tries something else: "What do you want then? Are we just going to stand here?" 

"Maybe. How long do you think your friends can hold out?" the smirk is back and Sanha wants to lunge at his throat. 

~

Humans aren't meant to experience demonic darkness. Much like standing in a cave with all the lights shut off, it engages the fight or flight response, except there's no flighting it and it keeps you immobilized so all you have left is never-ending panic loop of trying to move, or scream or blink or do ANYTHING. 

It's kinda like having 5 other boys looking to you for leadership as they reach for their dreams when you yourself feel like a child, navigating the adult world on their behalf when you're barely 21 and Jinwoo knows his fair share about that one. 

The silver lining of the years he'd spent panicking over things out of his control mean he'd learned to fight through it. It's slow, even for him, but he wills his legs and arms to move, to get up from the ground he'd been knocked down to. His eyes still cannot make out anything around so he just stretches his arms and takes a careful blind step forward, then another and another. 

His foot makes contact with something squishy and he yelps, flailing as he tries not to land on his ass again, but rather kneeling down and feeling his way back towards the pile of a human he'd stepped on. 

What he'd really like to do is talk but as much as willpower had helped in making his limbs obey, his ability to speak seems to have vanished along with all the light in the world.

So instead of asking who it is he's touching he tries hard to recognise the details of the human by feeling them- the lose shirt, necklace with a larger cross and several smaller protective charms hanging on it...he takes a deep breath and even a human with his human nose he recognizes the herbs Sanha's father rubbed into Minhyuk's skin. The other rapper seems limp and cold to touch.

Jinwoo had never wished to posses supernatural abilities more than he does in that very second, some telepathy would really help towards establishing wether Minhyuk is actually hurt, or just immobilised the same way he had been. 

He clutches the boy closer to him for couple more seconds, trying to gain and give strength in one simple hug before standing up and almost propelling himself forward. 

  
Suddenly there's light. 

~

Sanha had expected a lot of things to happen when he had discovered his other self in the inexplicable circle of light. 

  
High on the list were: snarling, a fist fight, a demonic powers (which he cannot control but surely possess?) fight...lot's of things. 

What's happening instead is the brown haired boy mocks him about knowing nothing. 

And then a body falls out of the darkness, landing squarely between them. 

  
Sanha looks the other Sanha in the eyes for a split second before they both lunge forward, nearly avoiding knocking their heads together, but he is faster, quickly unfolding himself from a civilised human shape into a stalking monster, holding the human close to his chest while he bares his teeth and despite all his mocking earlier, other Sanha backs away a little. 

  
Only then does he finally look down on who he is actually holding, recognising Jinwoo's smell he hefts him even closer. 

"Got a little friend now have you?" other Sanha laughs a broken laugh. The sound is jarring, so unlike anything Sanha would instinctively recognise as laughter, but the way his face twists makes him think that's what it was meant to be. 

"Tell me what you are or we're leaving." he knows that's not what the plan was, but he cannot stand here, listening to the thing that's wearing his shape. 

"Oh so dramatic! Look at you, big scary demon, protecting a weakling human. If you had any power to leave or do anything to me you'd have done it ages ago." other Sanha snaps and stalks a little closer. "You're nothing, no wonder they traded you away!" 

And that is finally at least something different, something that divulges information, but he pretends not to catch on as he looks closer at his leader's face, pale and sweaty but his eyes seem to be concious enough. "Hyung?" he tries talking, eerily aware this is only the second time Jinwoo had seen him looking like this and last time he had to almost break a rib or two to stop him from running.

"I'm ok." Jinwoo responds, some kind of emotion flashing over his face when the words leave his mouth. Sanha doesn't really have time to dwell on it as he gently sets Jinwoo down and steps closer to his imposter self once again. 

"What are you gonna do Demon? Eat me?" the other Sanha quickly throws his arms out and then folds them back, the circle of swirling demonic darkness expanding and then shrinking with the gesture. "I might be just a human but I know things you don't even dream about." 

"That might be true." Sanha fights hard to enunciate, nodding his head from side to side. He's not scared of the darkness and it's power. "But I have something you don't." 

Right on queue three shots ring, one after another, sleeping darts piercing through the darkness and hitting their target. Sanha watches as his dirty self staggers, opens his mouth to say something but before he can manage he falls to the ground.

The darkness dissipates like fog in the wind, and soon enough Sanha is forcing his body to morph back into human shape and all but throwing himself onto his knees to check on Minhyuk.

"Hyung!" he practically sobs out when the older boy doesn't immediately stir at his touch. His mind starts racing with horror scenarios, everything becoming blurry once again

What if there was something in the darkness? What if he wasn't strong enough yet, they should've waited...he will kill the imposter...he will

Sanha doesn't even realize that he had begun rising to his feet when an arm softly touches his ankle. The world snaps back into focus, his brothers rushing past, his other brothers breaking into a run as they approach the playground and then Minhyuk smiles at him weakly. 

He's ok. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be one more short chapter to wrap this up, hopefully coming soon :) Leave a comment and kudos to keep an author sane! 
> 
> Come yell at me on twt @lum_righthere or on tumblr (tho im not on there much these days) @black-dog-mafia

**Author's Note:**

> Want to know more? Come yell at me @lum_righthere on twitter or black-dog-mafia on tumblr or drop a comment! Tumblr


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